Monday, November 02, 2009

Turning point?

Well, the day has come when I 'officially' cease to be a 'useless old git', 'dole bludger', 'cranky old shit' - or, as I preferred to think of it - an unofficial 'inspector of roads'. However, my previous function as 'Distributor of Commonwealth Funds' into rural areas is still current.

As of today am a "senior citizen" (though whether - considering past history - the descriptor 'respected' could be applied or added to my resume remains to be seen; probably not).

I will, however, henceforth refuse to add the three letter apologistic "heh" to any of my writings. You either 'get it' or you don't.


20 comments:

hip said...

Happy Birthday, you "Venerable" old shit! :o)

Heh.

John L said...

Happy birthday Davo.

Jerr Dunlap said...

Happy birthday, eh? (Har Har Har!) Many happy returns, too!
- Jerr

Vincent said...

Heh! We'll see how long that lasts, young man!

Vest said...

Happy Birthday - how many is that?
Thought you had done that, or is there another level like Senior/Senior Cit.

Davo said...

Thanks all.

Vest; err, dunno about the 'levels' - unlike yourself (a senior senior) have just become a 'junior' senior. If I give up the booze and cigs, might consider having a crack at surviving another 65.

Hip; aha, 'venerable' sounds good.

Jer; ?? who you? - though anyone who throws a sail across an ocean is welcome .. heh heh heh (oh bugga, just broke my first new year's resolution .. meh.)

Jerr Dunlap said...

Hi Davo,
Thanks for the laughs about breaking your first new year's resolution!
I'm a shipwright, rigger & professional sailor in Los Angeles. The closest I've been to your corner of paradise is Tonga, where I spent a delightful summer meandering around the Va Va'U Group. I found your blog through our common interest in sailing and I'm reaching out to our far-flung friends to offer the same kind help as has been given me in boat repair, seamanship and general good cheer and tales. That's why I've got my main blog on my site at www.my-boat-works.com/blog. I copy from that for my others. It feels good to help and I'm getting to know some fascinating people. I think it'll be good for my business, too. Pleased to meet you!
- Jerr

JahTeh said...

Dear Davo, I revel in the thought that no matter how old you become, I'll always be younger :p

Vest said...

Older persons are at least fifteen years older than I.

Vest said...

After your allotted span of three score and ten you will become a senior/senilier. Advancement privileges at becoming an Octoman. Pussy is out and wobbly legs are in. You are also entitled to a reserved bench in your preferred departure lounge.

GreenSmile said...

Well then, "heh" is retired...but not Davo. I can deal with it.

whatever that birthday was, I hope you found it an extraordinary good excuse to party.

Anne Johnson said...

Here in the U.S. there's some debate about what a "senior citizen" actually is. So you might not be one in America. A belated happy birthday, and enjoy your springtime weather!

Vest said...

A plane passed through a severe storm. The turbulence was awful, and things went from bad to worse when one wing was struck by lightening.

One woman lost it completely. She stood up in the front of the plane and screamed, 'I'm too young to die,' she cried. Then she yelled, 'If I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on earth to be memorable! Is there anyone on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN?'

For a moment, there was silence. Everyone stared at the desperate woman in the front of the plane. Then the man from Australia stood up in the rear of the plane.

He was handsome, tall, well built, with dark brown hair and hazel eyes. Slowly, he started to walk up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt as he went, one button at a time. No one moved. He removed his shirt. Muscles rippled across his chest. She gasped...

Then, he spoke...
'Iron this will you -- and then get me a beer.

Vest said...

This is a good one




A FIREMAN came home from work one day and told his wife, "You know, we have a wonderful system at the fire station: BELL 1 rings and we all put on our jackets, BELL 2 rings and we all slide down the pole, BELL 3 rings and we're on the fire truck ready to go.




"From now on when I say BELL 1

I want you to strip naked.

When I say BELL 2

I want you to jump in bed.

And when I say BELL 3

We are going to make love all night.

"The next night he came home from work and yelled

" BELL 1!" The wife promptly took all her clothes off.




When he yelled "BELL 2!", the wife jumped into bed.


When he yelled " BELL 3!", they began making love.

After a few minutes the wife yelled "BELL 4!"

"What the hell is BELL 4?" asked the husband?




"ROLL OUT MORE HOSE," she replied

"YOU'RE NOWHERE NEAR THE FIRE."

Vest said...

Gordon the Chicken



Trevor the farmer was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young layers (hens), called 'pullets' and eight or ten roosters, to fertilize the pullets' eggs.



Trevor kept records and any rooster that didn't perform went into the soup pot and was replaced. That took an awful lot of his time so he bought a set of tiny bells and attached them to his roosters. Each bell had a different tone so Trevor could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing. Now he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report simply by listening to the bells.



The farmer's favourite rooster was Gordon, and a very fine specimen he was too, but on this particular morning Trevor noticed Gordon's bell hadn't rung at all!



Trevor went to investigate.



The other roosters were chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing.

The pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover but to farmer Trevor's amazement, Gordon had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring. He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one.



Trevor was so proud of Gordon, he entered him into the London Exhibition and Gordon became an overnight sensation among the judges.



The Result?



The judges not only awarded Gordon the No Bell Piece Prize but they also awarded him the Pullet surprise as well.



Clearly Gordon was a politician in the making: Who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most highly coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention.



Do you know a Politician called Gordon?

Vest said...

Dear Grim Reaper,


So far this year you have taken away my favourite dancer Michael Jackson,

my favourite actor Patrick Swayze, my favourite singer Stephen Gately and my

favourite actress Farah Fawcett.


Just so you know, my favourite politician is Kevin Rudd.


Regards Vest.




BTW My fav blog is "The spin starts here".

Davo said...

Hey Les.
This is my blog, minuscule as it may be. Have seen and read most of those "jokes". Would prefer that you didn't put that sort of shit in my comments box ... [shrugs]

Three Score and Ten or more said...

After that last comment, I can almost believe you claim to be a senior citizen, but 'heh' really only gets true meaning in another ten years (It comes because you can't hear well enough to know if anyone hears YOU) Three score and five is okay but three score and fifteen is really senior.

Vest said...

Thanks for the info. probably save a heap of my time.

Vest said...

Its my senility, i'm heading for my fourth key of the door in seven months.