Monday, April 11, 2011

hospital patience

um. After a 48 hour fasting, (as in no food), and a medically suggested 'Glycoprep' period of bowel cleansing Thursday evening (interesting, if nothing else) for a colonoscopy, and arrangements with 'a friend' (who delights in jokes like "are ya going t ask 'im if 'e'll buy ya dinner afterwards", and singing "Walk like a cowboy") to drive me to Lithgow  - and collect me 'afterwards' .. i dutifully arrived at the 'day surgery' unit at 9.15AM Friday (080411) , and was inducted into the mysteries of 'public hospital question and answer/ take clothes off/sit here and wait'.  Not sure what i looked like, but blue paper disposable hair net and bootees, white backless gown - is not really the sort of attire that self would like to be seen in in public.

They were, however, in the 'pre-op' paperwork, kind enough to suggest that i "bring a book";  as the 'waiting room' entertainment consisted of 1 rather nervous female who insisted on telling the captive audience the problems she had trying to entertain grandchildren during school holidays, 1 rather large old bloke who just grinned at everything, 1 TV set recycling 'Danoz Direct' and formats that were ancient 30 years ago ..
and me, who had psyched self into the 'not here' zone and buried head in Ken Follet's "Hammer of Eden".

Dutifully waited, and waited. Lady with grandchildren was called, and vanished. Large gent with silly grin, called, vanished. Two other people with silly blue paper caps, etc, arrive.

12.30PM Nurse opens door. Says my name, self shuffles off into operating theatre (ho ho) preparation room ... sits on gurney, watches nurse  in some consternation on telephone. "Yes .." she says " 9 .. no, 9 times .. error message .. yes, heat sensor .. OK".  Nurse puts on 'kindly face' .. "Um", she says "we have a small problem", and directs me back into the waiting room. Ten minutes later we are informed that the 'machine' has a burnt out motor, parts are arriving from Sydney and/or Katoomba .. probably another three hour wait.

NUP, think i, that's it, my carefully controlled patience just expired, am outta here so (dramatising a bit) saw Larry outside, who was expecting pick me up at about 1PM, banged on window - "OY, we're outta here", dressed, picked up a carton of Jim Beam and a cask of Traminer Reisling. Came home. Wrote Friday night off .. sort of.

12 comments:

John Myste said...

LOL. LOL.

You crack me up!

Vest said...

Bin there dun that twice in past six months or about. Much more fun having it done by females.
Imagination runs wild.
I mean the front end.

Davoh said...

Oy, Mysty .. wozzis "crack" shit?

Vesty .. my mind still boggles.

Davoh said...

Vesty .. there are still a couple of blokes in the locality who still seem to want to "get up my arse" but they've got Buckleys.

Gerry said...

A man who wants to get off the planet in a hurry does not need a colonoscopy, he needs to pickle his liver with cheap plonk. I get it, Davo.

But other than than, how ya doin', ya snarly old fart? :-)

lemmiwinks said...

Back from the depths of aus.motorcycles, it's Gerry! You no share your blog any more Gerry. How does one obtain an invitation?

lemmiwinks said...

Ah crap! Never mind.

Davoh said...

Who's Gerry? ;-!

Davoh said...

.. and yes, have carefully avoided mentioning that the surgeon is a very tall, well built person who speaks 'english' better than me; but may well have come to Australia from somewhere else, and has a very deep suntan.

Gerry said...

"Who's Gerry? ;-! "

Ok, I get the message. I'm gone...

Davoh said...

Geez, Gezz .. now who's being "precious" .. heh.

Gerry said...

I'm very precious. I'm so precious Gollum is after me.