Sunday, February 22, 2009

Ghost .. walking

Have long been aware – or existentially argued – that I don't actually exist. Now have medical evidence. Impossible, I hear you say? Ah.

Life in the backblocks is more or less somewhat boring, especially if there is limited finance. No “clubs of like minds” to attend. Long stretches of twiddling thumbs, sleeping, watching TV, being driven insane – well, further into insanity – by invasions of hundreds, nay, thousands; of persistent, investigative sugar ants; a half dozen bushflies; and a flock of extremely stupid raucous white cockatoos who seem to be quite oblivious to the fact that what they might consider merry conversation – translates into 500 fingernails dragged across a blackboard – day after endless day.

Now, while I might quite like the local wildlife – enough is enough. The local gun club has sort of been active of late (with “official” permission, of course). Might soon consider joining them. The ants .. ah, persistent little bastards. Have tried spreading “ant sand” in a wide swathe around the van. Trickled “ant rid”, apparently unsuccessfully, into every probable access point. Still find multitudes of the little invaders everywhere.

The bushflies .. um, there are only 6 or so. Have tried every commercially available deterrent or weapon of mass destruction. Even a UV zapper sort of gadget. Either they are completely immune – or reproduce and genetically adapt overnight.

However, began with the story of my vanishing cells.

Am more or less aware of what my body is doing. About four weeks ago became aware of a small, but odd group of brownish lumps located down near my right ankle, mostly because they itched. Um, think I. Not insect bites, not moles. Became concerned – through why skin cancer would be located in that particular spot was interesting. Very rarely wear “short” pants 'n' thongs. Fore-arms and/or face perhaps. Exposed to sunlight all day, every day for most of my life. So, thinks; Oh well, don't have much else to do, worth checking out, so wandered up to the local hospital, made an appointment to see the local Vet (medical practitioner in anyone else's jargon).

Sheesh, the laddie was younger than my son. We had a bittuva chat, he looked at it, decided he wasn't sure, called in the Doc from the office next door. Gah, are you guys twins, ask I. Well, they were about the same age and did look alike. Second doc recommended a biopsy. “oh goody”, say i, “love biopics”.

(yer, well, everyone around here thinks I'm crazy. In the words of one of the locals .. “well .. the nicest thing people are saying about you is ... um, eccentric”).

So, duly made appointment for biopsy one week hence. Duly turned up, lay on couch, had local anaesthetic needle (that hurt), watched young laddie poke some sort of probe into leg, extract 2milX2mil piece of my flesh, drop it into a plastic specimen container, duly labelled.

Ok, sez he, call us in about a week. Twiddled thumbs for 7 days. Didn't want to spend much on a phone call, walked to Clinic. Nah, nothing found, sez nurse/receptionist. Fine by me, forgot about it.

Went to post office a few days later – well, might be something from SS department, heh. Letter from clinic. Please contact us, nothing “sinister” (well, obviously, was from my “right” leg .. heh). So walked to clinic. Ah, says receptionist, doc wants to have a chat with you, appointment in 4 days. Oh well, don't have much else to do apart from bloody well “waiting”.

Turn up at clinic again. Ah, sez the vet, we've lost your sample, we'll have to take another one. Wot? sez I.

Apparently my tissues have vanished. Despatched duly sealed in plastic container. Laboratory tells them container arrived – but no sample.

TOLD yas .. I don't exist. Laboratory tests PROVE it.



6 comments:

lemmiwinks said...

Expect a fully grown clone to show up and start wreaking havoc any time soon Davo!

Davo said...

A clone? An exact replica – of ME? O dear Lemmiwinks, that possibility would be too 'orrible to contemplate.

It has been argued, somewhere, that “reality” as we know it – is but a figment of our imagination. I use the word “we” and “our” in the sense that you – and everything around me - may well be a figment of my imaginative “reality”. That the “we” or “I” are 'god' things, don't actually exist; is but an infinite and eternal entity of pure energy floating in a hyper-void. That “we” conjure up the detailed “reality” of what we think we see or experience to keep ourselves amused. Do you really know that the person writing this actually exists – or are you assuming something; am I inventing you as part of “my” reality?
If so, I must have a very peculiar imagination and sense of humour – masochistic, perhaps. Am now forcing my imaginary body to sit in sweltering heat at my imaginary keyboard and write an imaginary reply .. heh.

Am also, at the moment, trying to re-imagine the van parked near a beautiful beach somewhere – as well as the flocks of white cockatoos into singing like choirs of canaries; the hordes of little ants into bringing specks of gold dust and depositing them in a saucer on the floor; the sticky little bush-flies into caressing my skin with sensuous fingers of nubile maidens; and a kookaburra to regularly come and indulge in long, sensible discussions about philosophy, life, the universe, everything. All it does, now, is occasionally sit in a far distant tree and laugh at me.

Am, however, not getting very far, or much traction, with those dreamings. Perhaps am forcing self to go through some “bad karma” for a while yet, either that or am getting a bit old, tired, worn out – and my imaginative reality is wearing thin; not as strong as it once was, am letting “alternative”, unpleasant, dreamings intervene.
(24 eternal infinities have long past, so has 42. Am now aiming for 84 .. heh heh heh).

hip said...

We are all made of the same stardust as the planets around us. The animals, rocks, trees, comets and the great nebula in Orion. The carbon in our bodies, the chemistry dissolved in the water in our brains and the water itself -- all created in cycles of supernovae and all destined to return there. We are each a tiny spark of universal conscience and some are sentient enough to have such thoughts, Davo. We are the Universe, made manifest, trying to understand it's own existence.

george said...

Ah, you might arrange to similarly vanish when the devil comes round to claim you.

Davo said...

Ah, george .. that could be a possibility - if I invented the whole "good vs evil" concept in the first place. Those concepts, however, are allowed to be a bit flexible. Not so the "laws" of physics as discovered and annotated by me old mate Mr. I. Newton. There are, however, some blokes over in Cern, Switzerland who are working on a whole new set of rules for the next round of eternities .. heh heh.

Greywolfe said...

Matter is made of molecules and molecules are made from atoms. Atoms are comprised of sub-atomic particles that can only be described as being mathimatically probable and cannot be "seen".

So, we're all just a bunch of mathematical probabilities running around creating probable havoc on someone elses probabilities.

Damned inconvenient for the Universe to have such a twisted sense of "what if".