Sleepwalkers

Oh boy .. Oooo dear. Is it despair that induces me to get lost in litres of Port, or a genetic predisposition to excess. Cannot buy a block of chocolate. Some people have the self discipline to nibble, one square at a time. Me? .. I scoff the lot. Same with booze.

Woke up the other morning with an empty two litre cask on the desk. 'Now where did that go?' irrational mind asks, to be answered by rational mind .. "You fool."

Is there another persona hiding inside the taciturn, uncommunicative body. A soul that escapes when I'm not looking. Who is the person I call me.

"children should be seen and not heard," was the mantra infused by my mother, so perhaps I never grew up. And yet, unguarded, I begin to reach out; fingers clutching the empty air, seeking .. what? Knowledge? Affirmation that I exist outside of the collection of organised cells contained within the bag of skin that I walk around in?

A child masquerading as a man.

I know I began as two half formed cells. Two people created a condition where those two cells conjoined, and my life began. Nine months later rejected, ejected; squalling and bawling I discovered independent existence. For what purpose? Was it simply to live and breed or, having the capacity to learn - collect knowledge. But what happens to it after I'm gone? Are my offspring and those who come after destined to endlessly repeat the same tawdry cycle. Birth, reproduction, death. 60 or so years of endless repetition.

What is "spirit"? What means these words 'spirited' or 'dis-spirited'. High spirits, low spirits. "Aspiration".

Have noticed a quibble on various blogs about the validity of the words 'atheism' and 'agnosticism'.

Bigot: One blindly and obstinately devoted to a particular creed or party. (O.Fr. origin unknown)

Atheist: Disbelief in the existence of god. Godless. (Gr. atheos - a- , priv. and theos, god.)

Agnostic: One who holds that we know nothing of things beyond material phenomena - that a First cause and an unseen world are things unknown and apparently unknowable. (coined by Huxley in 1869 from Gr. a-, priv. And gnostikos, good at knowing. gignostikein, to know.)

Gnostic: An adherent of Gnosticism - having knowledge, knowing, cunning. Gnosticism: the eclectic doctrines of the Gnostics, a syncretistic religious philosophy, esp. in early christian times, that taught the redemption of the spirit from matter by knowledge, and a process of emanation from original essence. (Gr. gnostikos, good at knowing.)

Lie: a false statement made with the intention of deceiving; anything misleading or of the nature of imposture: to utter falsehood with the intention to deceive or give a false impression. (O.E. lyge, léogan; Du. liegen; Goth. liugen; Ger. lügen.)

Idiot: a person so defective in mind from birth as to be unable to protect themselves against ordinary physical dangers: one afflicted with severe grade of feeble-mindedness: a flighty fool: a blockhead: a foolish or unwise person.
(L. idiõta. Gr, idiõtes, a private person, ordinary person, one who holds no public office or has no professional knowledge - idios; own, private.)

It is the paradox of human consciousness that I claim to be ALL of the above.

On the one hand logic tells me that there is NO god. It is purely an emotional fabrication by the ignorant. Began when Australopithicawhatsis first had time to stop stuffing their bellies and wonder what that big orangey hot thing was that regularly passed overhead. From there the myths began.

From there, knowledge and exploration of the physical world has progressed (albeit in fits and starts .. resisted by the shamans with a power trip agenda) to a point where we have Hubble telescopes, and foot prints on the moon. (am not including probes to Mars and other planets .. there is always the possibility that the data could have been manufactured via 'PhotoShop' or Madison Avenue.)

Personally I find it difficult to comprehend, wrap my mind around the concept of 'infinity' and 'eternity'. . my mind is 'conditioned' to see 'limits'. A backyard fence, four walls or, when on the boat, the defining line between the 'earth', 'horizon' and sky.

It is quite possible that there was no "big bang" defining the beginning of the galaxy. Or rather, if there was a "big bang" when this galaxy began, it is just one in a series of such. Just one of an infinite many in an infinite universe. All pulsing, coming and going over infinite time.

Have always been curious about this word "god", given the various interpretations by diverse collections of tribes, until I came across the notion of this bloke.

Democritus (c.500BC):
As to when this Greek philosopher existed, it is not certain. Tradition characterizes him as a person who was continually laughing at the follies of mankind. Only very few fragments of his work have come down to us. According to Chambers, "Democritus's atomic system assumes an infinite multitude of atoms." That all of these atoms exist for no particular reason, and, from "their multitudinous combinations springs that vast and varying aggregate called nature ..." Nature, Democritus further supposed, conducted itself by a definite set of laws; but followed, and follows, no design.

Democritus gives a little more background on a 'forgotten' philosopher. (Five HUNDRED YEARS B.C. and he gives us the word 'atom'?)

There is also a book "The Sleepwalkers", by Arthur Koestler, that explains in 'non technical' language much of what is driving this post. I cannot recommend it highly enough.

We are forgetting ancient history. The world is too much with us. Getting and spending.

And yet, there is an ancient hunger to 'call on the gods'. That emotional need to influence that which is beyond our individual power to change.

THE world is too much with us; late and soon,
Getting and spending, we lay waste our powers:
Little we see in Nature that is ours;
We have given our hearts away, a sordid boon!
The Sea that bares her bosom to the moon;
The winds that will be howling at all hours,
And are up-gathered now like sleeping flowers;
For this, for everything, we are out of tune;
It moves us not.--Great God! I'd rather be
A Pagan suckled in a creed outworn;
So might I, standing on this pleasant lea,
Have glimpses that would make me less forlorn;
Have sight of Proteus rising from the sea;
Or hear old Triton blow his wreathed horn.
William Wordsworth 1806.