Flying (3)

(Re-edited: Saturday 8th April 2006)

Some time ago, began an afternoon in the front bar of a Melbourne pub and, as is my wont, got chatting with an interesting character. Can't remember his name, but will call him Col. We talked about many things, and eventually the subject of Flying came up. He then told me that he owned an "Ultralight", and would I be interested in "going flying" with him. Ah, well, think I, have a few hours up in gliders. Shouldn't be too difficult, and told him so.

But, he explained; Ultralights are subject to gusts of wind, and best flown in the calm, still airs of the early morning, so arranged to meet him at his house at 4am next morning.

Went home later that night, set the alarm, then struggled back out of bed at 3am. Drove to his house, banged on the door. Banged on the door yet again, and eventually a dishevelled figure appears. "Wha..?" it says. "Hi", I say, "it's me. You said we were going flying."

"Mmphlgurgle", he says, then disappears back into the house. Five minutes later he's back; wearing bike leathers and peering at me with extreme suspicion. "Whaddya want?", he says.
"It's me", I repeat, "last night in the pub. You said we were going flying."

"Ah," he says, "hang about." He disappears back into house and re-appears shortly after with a cask of Coolabah Riesling under one arm; walks, mostly steadily, to a largish V8 Chev. sedan, backs it onto a longish trailer encased in corrugated iron, hitches it up then waves at me. "C'mon", he calls.

Ummm, think I, what have I got myself into this time? Launch my trepidation into the passenger's seat, and sit back for the ride.

After 30 minutes, and some dirt tracks, we got lost. "umm," say I "where are we going?"
"Mate of mine has a farm with a strip that we use. Don't worry, missed the turn off". Ah, think I, slightly reassured.

He backs Chev. and trailer half a mile, then sets off in another direction, arrives at a gate, stops, glances at me. Self takes cue, gets out and opens gate.

The sun was planting fingers of silk and primrose on the tips of distant hills as we arrived at a dirt track in the middle of a paddock. He gets out, goes round to the back of the car, and opens boot. Produces a small wooden box. From it he takes out two handguns.

"Know anything about guns?" he asks.
"Only Lee Enfield 303, Sten and Bren." I say.
*Colt 45 Magnum," he says. "see that fencepost over there. See if you c'n hit it."

Too easy, think I, having watched the movies, where cowboys just point guns and go 'bang'. The fencepost loomed half as large as a human. Pointed the weapon and casually pulled the trigger.

FaaarrrkkCK!!!!!! The recoil of the bloody thing almost wrenched shoulderblade from mountings, near broke my arm.

After some instruction, could manage to save my arm, and lob a bullet somewhere near the target. Then he let me try a sweet little .22. Not powerful, but accurate.

Lessons over, we unloaded the trailer. Has anybody ever tried to assemble an Ultralight at 6am with two pissed persons and no instructions?

Yup, we found the wings and engine. Somewhere the seat sort of fitted, and the rudder sort of went at the back. The tricky bit was which wing strut wire went where. Anyway, after some 'discussion' and not a small amount of 'trial and error', the aircraft took shape.

Col straps himself in, starts the engine, points aircraft down the strip, takes off ..
And disappears...

Self sits, and waits. And waits. Waits. Thoughts begin to creep in. 'what if he's crashed?' 'where would it be' 'what do I do?' 'not my car or area, have no idea who to call.' 'etc, etc, etc..

Twenty minutes later, I hear the hum of a motor, and the aircraft, with berk in leathers grinning in sheer joy .. pops over the nearby gum trees. He lands, taxi's back to where am standing, unbuckles and says "Your turn".

AAAAHHHH, sheisssss. The alcohol from the night before has begun to evaporate, leaving me in the vacuum between total confidence and intelligent skill. Ah well, think I, nothing ventured, nothing gained . and strap self in.

The controls are arse backward. Am used to gliders with no motor, central stick controlling ailerons and elevator. Foot pedals control the rudder.

In this aircraft the 'foot pedals' control the dive brakes, two 'flaps' on the top of the wing, can be used as ailerons or dive brakes to 'kill' the lift on one, either, or both wings. The 'throttle' for the engine is located off on the right hand side, along with a small lever for the 'rudder' and 'elevator' control.
Why in the holy name of Hades should I get this beast off the ground, think I, sitting perched on a plastic seat in thin air; hanging under a flimsy nylon wing.

Has a bittuva fiddle. Taxi's back and forth, am getting close to getting it to run in a straight line when a small gust of wind lifts it three foot off the ground. My 'automatic' reaction is to ease the 'stick' forward to get it back down. Just happened to be holding the throttle at that point. Revs go up, aircraft increases in height. 'Oops', think I. Aircraft at six foot by this time. Aircraft begins to turn left, self presses right pedal.. Oops. Wing drops, right wheel hits ground sideways. Hear a small "ping" somewhere underneath me.

Col, glass in hand, wanders over, and we inspect the damage. One of the struts for the undercarriage was bent at an unusual angle. "Ummmm," he says. "can't fly it like that." He wanders back to car, opens boot, comes back with hammer, a roll of gaffer tape and a Bastard file. Whangs strut into straight line with hammer, uses file as splint, wraps it up with gaffer tape. "Yer doin' well" He says. ".. fer a beginner."

So, with some sort of 'vote of confidence', run it along the strip a few more times, more or less figured out how it all worked, taxi'd back to the start point and .. let 'er go.

Can't claim an important or enormous victory for this effort. Just managed to get an unfamiliar aircraft off the ground. Fly it in a straight line for 300 yards at an altitude of 30 ft, turn it round, fly the same track back, get it back on the ground.
(Hi Wilbur.. ;))


(Addendum: silly me forgot to write a detailed description of the "ultralight". I didn't have a camera at the time, but this pic should give some idea. Image from here.