On being in 'prison'. 1

This post was prompted, to some extent, by a discussion about putting up the "I'll publish the al Jazeera memo". I can understand the annoyance of Bush and Blair, if it escapes. There is a great deal of stuff in my filing cabinet that would be extremely embarrassing to ME if it ever became 'published'.


However, I don't pretend to be rich and powerful and have the lives of thousands (millions) in my care, so have no qualms about 'publishing' anything detrimental to those who do. Am sure that there are far more evil documents lurking in 'secret' files, hidden in the 'corridors of power'.


If, by making known a document which reinforces how evil the current American administration is, then so be it. I have no real understanding of how the new Australian Sedition laws are supposed to operate. From my point of view, I think that the change from "incite" to "urge" was beneficial. If I do not "urge" anyone into action, then they can ponder what is written here, make up their own minds, and all remains peaceful.

Am, perhaps, somewhat naïve. As the following stories will indicate.

Have been thrown into the 'clink' three times so far, but must stress that have no experience of what "gaol" is all about.

The first time was in Melbourne. Had been invited to a friends house for dinner, so drove to her place, found a parking spot nearby, then knocked on the door. Friend opens door, asks "Where are you parked?" "Just around the corner." Say I. "Ah," she says, "you can't park there after 6.30 pm, only for residents."
So, I walk back to car and .. find Parking Sticker fine for $20.00. Very miffed that was only there for five minutes, throw sticker under seat, move car three streets away, walk back and enjoy meal.

Some time later, receive letter in mail. "You have been fined $20.00, etc. etc. please pay within 7 days." Thinks to self, bugger it, am not paying that, and puts it in bottom drawer.

At this time was attempting to be an actor, and frequently away on tour. Returned to Melbourne six weeks later, and found another letter. "You have been fined by a magistrate $60.00 for unpaid parking fine .. in default one day's gaol." 'Fuckem,' think I, and go off on tour again. Six weeks later a buff manila envelope is in the mailbox. Inside is a card from the Hawthorn Police station. On the back was handwritten "Please contact us Urgently". MMM. Think I, and at 9am duly ring the number. "Hello," say I, " I have a card here requesting that I ring you." "Oh?," the female voice says, "what's it about?" "Have no idea," say I in my sweetest and most innocent voice," it just says please ring you urgently." "Oh, what's your name?" Give my name, hear shuffle, shuffle shuffle of paperwork. "Ah," she says, "You owe us $60.00." "No I don't," say I, "am not paying that." "Ah," she says," that means we have to put you in gaol." "Whatever," say I. "Mmm," she says, "well come round at ten, we have to let you out at six."

So, duly empty my pockets of extraneous detritus, my wallet of all cash except for tram fares, and catch tram into city. Do some window shopping, then another tram to the Police Station, arriving at about midday.

Front up at the counter, the desk sergeant comes over. "Yes?" He says. "Was told that I had to come and see you," I say. "What about?" "Ah, something about a fine." I reply. "What's yer name?" he asks.

Told him my name, he goes to the desk and shuffles through some papers. "Ah," he says, "You owe us $60.00." "No, I don't," I repeat, "am not paying that."

He gives me a long, hard stare, looks at the clock on the wall, then asks with a slight air of resignation tinged with exasperation. "Did someone tell you to come round at this time?" "Errrrm," say I, "I missed the tram."

"O.K." he says brusquely, "Give us yer wallet and empty your pockets."

I do. He puts it all in a manila envelope, writes my name, the date and time on it; then comes out from behind the counter. "O.K. Put yer hands on the wall and spread'em." I do that as well.

(I know the 'drill', have watched television, and even "acted" as various "villains" in the local 'soapies'. This is the first time that have had to do it without pay, though.)

He gives me a cursory 'frisk', then says "Give us yer belt."

??, think I, and frown. "Yer belt." He says. So, unbuckle the belt and hand it over. (He would have taken my shoelaces if had not been wearing 'slip-ons') "O.K. Follow me."

Am then taken out the back door, across a small courtyard to an ornate wrought iron gate set in a Bluestone wall. He pulls it open, gestures me inside. "I won't put you in a cell, we don't have any other guests," he says with a hint of a smile. I enter, he closes the gate, and locks it. "Be back at six," he says.

Am standing in a short, narrow corridor. There is a closed wooden door at the other end. The walls are painted puce green. Two metal clad doors with peepholes are on either side. They are ajar. Self investigates the cell on the right hand side. It has puce green walls decorated with the graffiti of lost souls, a metal cot with mattress, rumpled blanket and stainless steel shitcan in one corner. Peer into the other. It is exactly the same.

Mmm, think I, Oh well, 'tis only for a short time. Wander into left hand cell. Sit on cot. Wait. Wander into right hand cell. Decide to make the bed, stretch blanket military style. Wander back to the other cell. Sits and waits. Makes bed. Discovers a month old "Jewish Times" hidden under the mattress, reads. Time passes. Waits.

Approaching six pm. Wanders to wrought iron gate, and waits. And waits. 6pm comes and goes. Begin to feel uncomfortable. Look at gate and wonder how it might be surmounted. 6.15 comes and goes. At about 6.30pm Sergeant pops head out of doorway across courtyard. "Bit busy right now, be back later."

At that point a very cold feeling crept across my soul. I am at the mercy of these people. MY time is THEIR time. I have several choices. Can patiently wait until they decide to let me out. Can scream and shout. Can devise ways of defeating the wrought iron gate.

I chose to wait. It was an easy choice. 6.45pm, am released, given back my 'belongings', belt and dignity.

(heard later that people had built up several thousand dollars worth of 'fines', popped along for 2 day's 'gaol'. Rolled up at 10am, stayed the night, [They have to give you a meal after 6pm], and went home at 6pm the next day. Sheesh, learn a new thing every day. The Victorian government eventually 'wised up', and the scam is no longer available.)