"L" plate idiots

This would be wryly funny - if it weren't so spectacularly tragic.

Rice (sort of) admits mistake.

The following was, actually, written and posted on WW back in November 2005. (updated - slightly, in case nobody remembers).
Has anything changed much?

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For those worried by the [disturbing] scenes coming to you via the Television - HAVE NO FEAR -
It's the 'dailies' from the forthcoming Big Budget Blockbuster Movie.

NEEDMORE SPACE WARS. Episode 2 3/4 (draft 2) ©

Produced by Stewpit Murdick and Associates.. ©
Directed by Krarl Rover …
Starring---

Jerge V. Bosch as the genial, not very bright, genuwwine, tough talkin', straight shootin', Hero.
Rich Cheaty as the billionaire (de)construction Entrepreneur.
Saul Wolfishgrin as the accountant with a gambling problem.
Ronald Feelsrummy as the cheerful court buffoon ( jester? um, have to write him better lines, at the moment he comes across as a silly twit)
Rollin Towell as the 'quiet sensible man' -- who gets fired early in the scenario for being boring and forgetting his script. Then .. yeeeehaaaa!!.. replaced by ..
Mizz Bouncezy Highprice as the better-than-beautiful black female in a macho man's world, sent out with Whiter-than-White Colgate smile to seduce the Mayors of the neighbouring townsfolk.
AND INTRODUCING!!
OBLA1- [bin]alQanobi - who, after an early life of quiet piety - turns into the dark, devious, evil, malicious, elusive villain intent on worldly dominion.

With a supporting cast of MILLIONS!!.
Including -
Cony Hare - First Deputy - (no time, no time) scuttling back and forth attempting to appease the old, the new and the ancient.
Johnny Littlebackward - 2nd Deputy -undersize boots clumping hollowly through the corridors of power, trying to keep up.
(there were a few other characters lurking in the background - Johnny Garlac and Vladdy Sputim* etc.- but they tended to get in the way of the forward thrust, and have been written out)

Scenario.
The movie begins. We see a long, slow, panorama of wide, pristine, open deserts and seven ancient pillars of geological wisdom. A train of life plods slowly across a distant horizon.

On the other side of the world, Jerge is sitting morose [bored] and alone in a gaudy, ramshackle Tavern contemplating his 12th whisky, third failed business venture and toying with a syringe near his toe. Naked dancers writhe and gyrate sensuously in the background. A short, faceless, dumpy man sidles up behind him and whispers "Psssst, Jerge, ya wanna outdo daddy an' Rule the World?" Bleary eyed, Jerge turns and sees .. a tall, luminous, pillar of light smiling at him, with enormous white wings outspread across the world (brilliantly morphed by Pixar). At such an astounding, shocking Revelation, Jerge ponders for several minutes, then slowly nods. Now, with the Clear Light of Purpose glowing in his eyes, Jerge stands, braces his shoulders, straps on his shootin' irons, juts out his manly chin, then - with the dumpy, faceless man tagging along to guide him - strides out of the Gaudy Tavern into the Deserts of Manifest Destiny.

The Quest has a bumbling beginning when Jerge drops the saddlebags, and spills the cash. While he's looking for it, OBLA1-alQanobi sneaks up in front of him, punches Jerge on the nose then vanishes in a puff of Myth. Now, angry as a Hornet's Nest, Jerge gathers the mendacious Magnificent Seven, raids the National bank and begins shooting at Shadows. Rich Cheaty gathers the loose change. Saul Wolfishgrin deals himself a Full House. Ronny Feelsrummy capers with delight.

After several huge, Big Budget Battles by the armies of the Western Alliance - which rage across several Kingdoms and the Dunes of Middle Earth defeating [expending ordnance on] small pockets of guerilla resistance from many Nations (carefully staged for the Foxhole cameras). ..
It will all come to a Happy Ending where Ronald Feelsrummy is seen trying to eat his words (should be hilarious),
Jerge V. Bosch buys Mittel Amerigo (yet again) and retires to play golf,
Rich Cheaty has enough money to buy Europa, Canamanda, East Continent, Centralbig Continent, Northbig Continent, and a quiet, peaceful little island in the South Pacific called Australis.
Saul Wolfishgrin rolls up his sleeves, puts on another green eyeshade, and moves on to another High Stakes game (a 'spin-off' script is in pre-production). AAAAANNDD!! Wait, there's more ..
Bouncezy elopes with her Middle Earth boyfriend, to live happily ever after behind a white picket fence in Cheyenne Mountain ..
All the 'dead' extras get up, collect their paycheques from Central Casting and go home to their children and Desperate Housewives.

Stay tuned folks!! After many years of planning, production, editing and digital enhancement by "Dreamworks" - in another couple[?] of year's time it will arrive on a WMD near you !!!

(this is a work of fiction, any relationship to actual people, places or events is purely intentional coincidence).

© Democritus

(further credit should be given to cynical philosopher who sparked the idea, but who shall remain nameless, as the Thought Police have just broken in and stolen my hard dri