Saturday, August 12, 2006

just passing through

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin." "What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

"Well, husband #1 was a sales representative. He kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in software services. He was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from field services. He said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband #4 was in telemarketing. Even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver."

"Husband #5 was an engineer. He understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from finance and administration. He thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in marketing. Although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it."

"Husband #8 was a psychologist. All he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist. All he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector. All he ever did was... God! I miss him!

But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"

"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"

Pinched from here.


Anonymous said...

An elderly Jewish gentleman marries a much younger woman.
No matter what the husband does sexually, the woman never achieves orgasm.

Since a Jewish wife is entitled to sexual pleasure, they decide to ask the rabbi.

The rabbi listens to their story, strokes his beard, and makes the following suggestion:

"Hire a strapping young man. While the two of you are making love, have the young man wave a towel over you.

That will help the wife fantasize and should bring on an orgasm."

They go home and follow the rabbi's advice. They hire a handsome young man and he waves a towel over them as they make love.
It doesn't help and she is still unsatisfied. Perplexed, they go back to the rabbi.

"Okay", he says to the husband, "let's try it reversed.

Have the young man make love to your wife and you wave the towel over them."

Once again, they follow the rabbi's advice.

The young man gets into bed with the wife and the husband waves the towel.

The young man gets working with great enthusiasm and the wife soon has an enormous, room-shaking, ear-splitting, screaming orgasm.

The husband smiles, looks at the young man and says to him triumphantly: "You see, you young schmuck? THAT'S how you wave a towel!"

DellaB said...

Hi Davo
so - why are you becoming 'a cantankerous old coot'?

just curious...

Davo said...

dellab, why am i becoming a cantankerous old coot? because am old enough to decide to be. when i was young, everyone told me who to be and what to think. (didn't then, but listened) In middle age, was too busy trying to figure out how to "provide" for everybody. NOW, I don't give a shit (well, once a day, in the morning) WELL, that's MY story - and am stickin' to it.. more or less.. until some other dickhead comes up with a better one. OK?

Davo said...

anon.. why is it, sometimes, important poetry - and wisdom - comes from "anon"?

sheesh, i wish i was 'ím, must be rakin' in a fortune of royalties by now. heh.